People asked me, "Do you love your country?". I used to smile with no answer. Do I need to answer or do I need to lie to be impressed, I am not sure. I do, I do love my country. But do not love like her as my mother. I don't want to love her like my mother. Only one mother can be existed for someone. I love her like my baby. My own baby. I wish I can have many babies. Just to love them. Because I like to stay in love. I am not nationalist nor racist. Someone who wish to be closer to humanist.
Vote? I didn't vote. Yes, I am not a dutiful citizen. I am doing what I can with all I have and my best. I am happy being called as a coward. I didn't vote. Not because I agree on people who said "Vote Not to Vote". I am not with them, really. I didn't vote. My knowledge, my way of thinking, my concept and my attitude stand too far away from politic. Too blinded to understand. So, how could I make a right decision? If choosing side is truly worth, I would take with all of my efforts. I love my country just like my baby.
We all know. History wears different masks. Masks that we can't truly interpret. Please put them aside when you look into a person's eyes, will you? I don't like history. The word "past" would be a totally different matter. Somehow closer, deeper and more real. Why can't we learn from the past which is not so far from us? Does your gun can really work? Oh why? Can't we just take what we can and make the best of it? Simply, take what we can, make it best, as Sandra Cisneros quoted.
When I was 7, I saw women who dare to change her precious handcraft, honey or dried chillies for some old clothes. I saw my mother talked with them. I was not happy. Something was wrong. They never talked about war. They talked about guns. They sometimes talked about a village they left behind. Family. Neighbours. Schools. Why do you want to hold your guns while your family is on the run? Bleed. Insecure. Fear. Gun is not the answer, brothers. I am not on your side. Not on theirs also. Just want to see your happy faces.
During Nargis, at first, I hate government. Felt they didn't do what they supposed to do. But later, I feel more bitter (bitter than anything else in the universe). Counting pills, placebo pills indeed. An outsider who wanted data, who wanted to know how many people died, who wanted to know how many houses destroyed, who didn't want to know how people are feeling, who didn't want to know what is the real need, who didn't want to listen the stories . . . I do not like him. I might be wrong. Or I might be too sentimental to handle this kind of stuffs. But I am sure that I do not like him. It doesn't mean I am with others.
I met an activist who was really up to my country. I don't like his eyes. My country is not that kind of pity. He doesn't see her beauty. She may have some pain. Isn't it normal? I asked him, "Have you ever been to my country?". "No", he replied. I smiled. A big smile. If so, don't bother about to tell me rotten stuffs which are old enough to be a history. Come, see, and say. So, I would try to believe. I am not their side either. We know very well about our country. Just like someone knows his/her own body. We are not ready for some. We are ready for some. We need our foundation. We need baby steps. We need to feed our brains. We know. Very well we know.
I have no knowledge about politics. But I love my country, like my baby. I can have other babies to love. Just simply because I like to love. I do not hope anything from them. Just love is more than enough itself. Shed no blood. Flow river of joy. Under bright sunlight. Breeze balance with justice. Bond of brotherhood and sisterhood. Why can't we be a big family with happy neighbours? Peace. Peace is all we want. Aren't we? Peace. I am on no one side. I don't know politics. But I love my country, just like my baby.
B.S
9th Nov: 2010
Ygn
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